A Percussionist Made It Personal–repaired draft

one thousand drums thrum
rhythmic primal pulse beats still
not fit to kiss verse

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About JunkChuck

Native, Militant Westsylvanian (the first last best place), laborer, gardener, and literary hobbyist (if by literary you mean "hack"). I've had a bunch of different blogs, probably four, due to a recurring compulsion to start over. This incarnation owes to a desire to dredge up the best entries of the worst little book of hand-scrawled poems I could ever dream of writing, salvageable excerpts from fiction both in progress and long-abandoned. and a smattering of whatever the hell seems to fit at any particular moment. At first blush, I was here just to focus on old, terrible verse, but I reserve the right to include...anything. Maybe everything, certainly my love of pulp novels growing garlic, the Pittsburgh Steelers and howling at the moon--both figuratively and, on rare occasions, literally.
This entry was posted in Commentary, Funny and/or Strange, My Poetry, Poetry and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink.

3 Responses to A Percussionist Made It Personal–repaired draft

  1. Steve Myers says:

    Fail. The last line has six syllables. 😉

    Like

  2. JunkChuck says:

    This was a kneejerker to some doofus on a friend’s facebook who was dissing all the bad haiku being generated by Facebook Haiku month. I mean, it’s grating on me too, but I’m not about to let a goddamn musician–a drummer no less–beat on haiku, even if it’s really amateur stuff. Yes–haven’t had time, or will, to revise it yet, but isn’t that a fun line in content and especially in assonance? Ha. Actually, the haiku form, especially in it’s modern employment, allows for a bit of syllabic departure from the traditional. My thematic choice, on the other hand, is truly appalling

    Like

    • JunkChuck says:

      the fix will be to eliminate the “my” from that line–never bad to remove an irksome confessional word, and changes nothing in the timbre–indeed, in going from the specific” “my verse” to the general (implied) all “verse” I strengthen the rebuke. Concur?

      Like

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