Commentary Funny and/or Strange Uncategorized

Some Confessions

Some deviant behavior I want to get off my chest:

Two-Buck-Chuck1.  Beyond the somewhat vague categories of “Ycchhh” and “Hey,  That’s Not Horrible,” I cannot tell one glass of wine from another.  Oh, I can give you “citrus” or “sweet” or “burns the shit out of my uvula” but if I’m coming to your house for dinner you might as well break out the $5 bottle of port.  I won’t know the difference.

2. I have never watched an episode of Grey’s Anatomy. Not one.

3. I pee outdoors whenever I can get away with it, and it makes me feel manly.  Really damn manly.

0004400004553_500X5004. I don’t even know what Minecraft is.  Does it have anything to do with Warcraft?  Or Kraft Cheese in a Can?

5. Speaking of Kraft Cheese In A Can–which, it seems, is actually called “Easy Cheese”–I could eat that crap ALL DAY, probably on knock-off “Club Crackers” from ALDI ($1.49).  But I don’t, because I’m too ashamed to buy it.

6. I don’t understand how to make my cell phone take photographs, which is probably okay since I wouldn’t know how to look at them if i did.

7. I’m 47 years old and I still, at every meal, sneak the dog some food under the table.  She’s old.  We love each other–it’s the least I can do.

8. If you park your car in front of my house and leave it there all weekend I am absolutely going to mow my grass and blow the trimmings all over your fancy rims.  Also, see #3 above–nothing says I have to do this in the back yard.  Or on the ground.

soccer_player_poses9. I will never refer to “soccer” as anything but.  I certainly won’t call it “football.”  Maybe if they added cross checking?

10. I’m not really trying to curse less–I’m just behaving myself in front of you because I know you’ll be judgmental about it and I’m resisting the urge to say something really, really horrible just so I can loll around in your outrage like the proverbial pig in shit.


By JunkChuck

Native, Militant Westsylvanian (the first last best place), laborer, gardener, and literary hobbyist (if by literary you mean "hack"). I've had a bunch of different blogs, probably four, due to a recurring compulsion to start over. This incarnation owes to a desire to dredge up the best entries of the worst little book of hand-scrawled poems I could ever dream of writing, salvageable excerpts from fiction both in progress and long-abandoned. and a smattering of whatever the hell seems to fit at any particular moment. At first blush, I was here just to focus on old, terrible verse, but I reserve the right to include...anything. Maybe everything, certainly my love of pulp novels, growing garlic, the Pittsburgh Steelers and howling at the moon--both figuratively and, on rare occasions, literally.

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