Some Confessions

Some deviant behavior I want to get off my chest:

Two-Buck-Chuck1.  Beyond the somewhat vague categories of “Ycchhh” and “Hey,  That’s Not Horrible,” I cannot tell one glass of wine from another.  Oh, I can give you “citrus” or “sweet” or “burns the shit out of my uvula” but if I’m coming to your house for dinner you might as well break out the $5 bottle of port.  I won’t know the difference.

2. I have never watched an episode of Grey’s Anatomy. Not one.

3. I pee outdoors whenever I can get away with it, and it makes me feel manly.  Really damn manly.

0004400004553_500X5004. I don’t even know what Minecraft is.  Does it have anything to do with Warcraft?  Or Kraft Cheese in a Can?

5. Speaking of Kraft Cheese In A Can–which, it seems, is actually called “Easy Cheese”–I could eat that crap ALL DAY, probably on knock-off “Club Crackers” from ALDI ($1.49).  But I don’t, because I’m too ashamed to buy it.

6. I don’t understand how to make my cell phone take photographs, which is probably okay since I wouldn’t know how to look at them if i did.

7. I’m 47 years old and I still, at every meal, sneak the dog some food under the table.  She’s old.  We love each other–it’s the least I can do.

8. If you park your car in front of my house and leave it there all weekend I am absolutely going to mow my grass and blow the trimmings all over your fancy rims.  Also, see #3 above–nothing says I have to do this in the back yard.  Or on the ground.

soccer_player_poses9. I will never refer to “soccer” as anything but.  I certainly won’t call it “football.”  Maybe if they added cross checking?

10. I’m not really trying to curse less–I’m just behaving myself in front of you because I know you’ll be judgmental about it and I’m resisting the urge to say something really, really horrible just so I can loll around in your outrage like the proverbial pig in shit.

 

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About JunkChuck

Native, Militant Westsylvanian (the first last best place), laborer, gardener, and literary hobbyist (if by literary you mean "hack"). I've had a bunch of different blogs, probably four, due to a recurring compulsion to start over. This incarnation owes to a desire to dredge up the best entries of the worst little book of hand-scrawled poems I could ever dream of writing, salvageable excerpts from fiction both in progress and long-abandoned. and a smattering of whatever the hell seems to fit at any particular moment. At first blush, I was here just to focus on old, terrible verse, but I reserve the right to include...anything. Maybe everything, certainly my love of pulp novels growing garlic, the Pittsburgh Steelers and howling at the moon--both figuratively and, on rare occasions, literally.
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One Response to Some Confessions

  1. M T McGuire says:

    I’m with you all the way on number 10. 😉

    Like

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