Funny and/or Strange sheer awesomeness

Gonna Go? Go BIG.

With her back turned and her hands cuffed behind her back, she manages to put it in gear and drive. And from what we can gather, she drove at very high speeds with that position somehow manipulating the gears and steering the wheel….” 

20150114rldRimer01Meet Roxanne Rimer, of “no address given.”

One would like it to manifest as something bold and beneficial, a cure for disease, for example, or a technological breakthrough that frees us from reliance on fossil fuels, or a transcendent epic poem that defines our age, but it isn’t ours to choose when inspiration–or desperation–will drive one of us to glorious, unexpected heights.

This is, however, something we should strive for.  Too often, too many of us–myself chief among us–settle for good enough, when we should strive for something grand and perhaps even noble in scale and aspiration.  We should follow the examples of heroic over-achievers like Homer, John Brown, Amelia Earhart and Elvis…if you’re going to go, GO BIG.

Such was the case this week in Pittsburgh with alleged shoplifter/escapee/joyrider and momentary media sensation Roxanne Rimer.  This young woman, detained for shoplifting at a moribund mall, crashed a family car with several relatives inside, and was arrested, handcuffed, and locked inside a patrol car.  Not satisfied with what would have been a mere blurb deeply buried deep inside the newspaper, Ms. Rimer–still handcuffed behind her back, crawled through and 11″x12″ gap in the plexiglass barrier in the cop car, slipped behind the wheel and, still handcuffed, roared away on a ten-mile joyride, lights flashing and siren howling.

I mean: Holy Icarus, Batman!  You want to be a fighter?  Fight Tyson.  Want to build an Empire?  Invade Afganistan.  But if you want to steal a car, don’t screw around with Grammy Polinski’s plum-purple Camry parked behind the church on bingo night–steal a freaking police cruiser from a crime scene.  Better still, steal it from your crime scene, while handcuffed and under arrest.

When she eventually crashed that car, she either stuck out her thumb and caught a ride further down the road–or stole another car, depending on accounts– before she was finally apprehended, perp-walked before the cameras by an unabashedly impressed media, and ushered into momentary media stardom.  All the while, the feisty young woman maintained her insistence that she couldn’t remember a thing about what happened.

For your bold, audacious inspiration, your resourceful and imaginative execution, and your soaringly unselfish-conscious denial, Ms. Rimer, Old Road Apples salutes you.

Handcuffed woman accused of leading police on chase in stolen cruiser

Handcuffed woman steals police car, leads 120 mph chase in Pennsylvania: report

Police: Handcuffed woman drives off in Center Township police car

By JunkChuck

Native, Militant Westsylvanian (the first last best place), laborer, gardener, and literary hobbyist (if by literary you mean "hack"). I've had a bunch of different blogs, probably four, due to a recurring compulsion to start over. This incarnation owes to a desire to dredge up the best entries of the worst little book of hand-scrawled poems I could ever dream of writing, salvageable excerpts from fiction both in progress and long-abandoned. and a smattering of whatever the hell seems to fit at any particular moment. At first blush, I was here just to focus on old, terrible verse, but I reserve the right to include...anything. Maybe everything, certainly my love of pulp novels, growing garlic, the Pittsburgh Steelers and howling at the moon--both figuratively and, on rare occasions, literally.

7 replies on “Gonna Go? Go BIG.”

Pennsylvania’s Finest. But you have to admit: no half measures for her. “I’m goin’ to jail? Let’s go ALL THE WAY.”


Methinks she’s been watching too many movies when someone rides off in a cop car, still handcuffed, and rides off into the sunset (or ends up in a foreign country in the next scene). However, in real life…not – so – much! Thanks for sharing.


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