Wars, disease, famine, earthquakes, a really big case hitting the U.S. Supreme Court tomororow, and a movie about California breaking in half before The Rock fixes it with a helicopter–and STILL the top story in the news for a second day in a row is that some guys in suits related to some international soccer organization or another are corrupt. Woooooooo, I’m shocked.
What’s next? Hurling? (That’s not fair, hurling is kind of cool). Okay then: curling?
A guy named Sepp Blatter is somehow involved. I think he might have deflated some soccer balls, not to give anyone an advantage or anything, but out of vengeance for that name. Sepp Blatter sounds like an ineptly villainous Monty Python character–i’m thinking German guy, maybe with a lisp. Or maybe it’s German for “Tom Brady?”
My news aggregator is full of these soccer stories. What the hell? I could read them to find out what the deal is but, you know, it’s soccer. Maybe if it was croquette? Or Marbles? Marbles would make it a story.
But maybe this Sepp Blatter fellow is bad. It’s possible, I guess. I know Putin is all pissed off about it. But I’m wondering, what’s ISIL up to today? How about those Chinese naval hijinks? Floods in Texas? Lost shipments of Anthrax–that’s a real page 6 whoopsie, eh?
But maybe they did cover all that stuff adequately? It’s possible I missed it amidst all the coverage over news that McDonalds is going to make its buns a little crispier. And speaking of buns, have you seen what’s going down on The Bachelor? Oh, man–that Tammy Lee Sapinsky is up to no damn good, but she got a rose. What’s the world coming to?