Police: Suspect Used Purple Gun

Heroic Serial Killer Dexter Morgan dueled against his evil nemesis The Ice Truck Killer in Jeff Lindsay’s enjoyable novel about a good-guy psychopath, but even Lindsay never imagined a perpetrator as twisted as Uniontown, Pennsylvania’s Ice Cream Truck Robber.

The headline, seemingly custom-made for blogging mockery, is priceless:

Police: Suspect Used Purple Gun

You can’t make this stuff up.  The Purple Gun detail clinches it, but I also admire the sarcastic victim, Franklin Swainy, in the interview.

“It was ‘Gimme the effin’ money, gimme the effin’ money, pick it up, you think I’m playin’ with you? You think this is a game?’ The standard, you know, I saw it on TV and this is my robbery spiel.”

It takes a special kind of cool–an ice cream cool–to make dismissive jokes about the armed assailant who just popped off a couple of rounds into your van and left you bloody. Franklin, you’re the man today.

I mean no disrespect when I say this story makes me want to write, just because it has a vaguely Lebowskian absurdity to it, “Aw, not the van, man.”

Follow the link.  Enjoy the story before WTAE takes it down.

A newspaper covered it, too.

And God Bless America.


About JunkChuck

Native, Militant Westsylvanian (the first last best place), laborer, gardener, and literary hobbyist (if by literary you mean "hack"). I've had a bunch of different blogs, probably four, due to a recurring compulsion to start over. This incarnation owes to a desire to dredge up the best entries of the worst little book of hand-scrawled poems I could ever dream of writing, salvageable excerpts from fiction both in progress and long-abandoned. and a smattering of whatever the hell seems to fit at any particular moment. At first blush, I was here just to focus on old, terrible verse, but I reserve the right to include...anything. Maybe everything, certainly my love of pulp novels growing garlic, the Pittsburgh Steelers and howling at the moon--both figuratively and, on rare occasions, literally.
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