Do You Read Your “SPAM” Comments?

2242991646_cee7b24a91DANGER: I quote something moderately offensive from a blog comment compliment I received from someone who is almost certainly both a fictional femme fatale named Svetlana and ham-handed bait for a hardcore Russian porn website.  And after I quote it I go on to repeat it at least two more times, such is the nature of my profane glee.  I also mock Spam a little bit, which could be offensive to people who like (or dislike?) pigs. And the Tea Party–what’s up with those people that they’re always standing on bridges?

I’m just wondering–does anyone out there read your spam in the comments section?  I just did, and let you tell you: if you don’t, you should, because they’re awesome.

Oh, there are the usual links to pages selling shoes on websites from China or Japan or one of those places with the really far out alphabets, and plenty of ads for (presumably bible-evidences-chinese-language-characters-words-garden-of-eden-genesis-2-25-guang-naked-light-two-radiant-peoplefake) Viagra and financial services…but if you don’t actually click on the links, and just look at the text they’re using to try and tempt us to click, it can be pretty damn affirming. Here are some things in my box today–I’m sure you have some as well.

  • Wow, amazing blog layout! How long have you been blogging for?  you make blogging look easy. The overall look of your site is fantastic, let alone the content!
  • Remarkable things here. I’m very glad to look your article.  Thanks so much and I’m having a look forward to contact you.
  • I’m extremely impressed along with your writing abilities as neatly as with the
    structure to your weblog. Is that this a paid subject or did you customize it your self?  Anyway keep up the nice high quality writing, it is uncommon to see a nice weblog like this one these days..
  • Great site!  I have bookmarked this amazing site OMG!!!!!
  • It’s Pleasure to comprehend your blog.These articles is fairly extraordinary, and that i really appreciated reading your blog and factors that you indicated. I really like to show up back over a typical basis,article a lot more within the topic. Thanks for sharing keep writing!
  • And my favorite, at least in part for it’s NSFW vocab, but also–well, just read for yourself: S֔urprٖis͔e surprise pussy commander: want to hook up? sֲend m̆e a B0͞0tyCal̊l rḛquͤest so we can mee̻t 😛 My userَnaُme i͞s Svetlana1980. My ac֥count is here: (link deleted)

Pussy Commander. I apologize for repeating that, but I’m a guy and I’m going to give up a Guy Secret: we totally dig impossibly flattering and slightly (or, in this case, not so slightly) profane attention.  90 percent of the guys out there are quietly nodding their heads and whispering, “Pussy Commander?  Damn straight!  It’s about time someone recognized me for me.”

Another Svetlana would like to meet talk to me and maybe meet or chat soon “to possibility of love and marriage.”  She is former model and good housewife but only speaks “some english poor” but is cooking very good and loves cuddling.  Cuddling?  Pussy Commanders don’t have time to cuddle, missy.  We’ve got SPAM to read.  I could kick my own ass for deleting about 200 of these a few days back.


About JunkChuck

Native, Militant Westsylvanian (the first last best place), laborer, gardener, and literary hobbyist (if by literary you mean "hack"). I've had a bunch of different blogs, probably four, due to a recurring compulsion to start over. This incarnation owes to a desire to dredge up the best entries of the worst little book of hand-scrawled poems I could ever dream of writing, salvageable excerpts from fiction both in progress and long-abandoned. and a smattering of whatever the hell seems to fit at any particular moment. At first blush, I was here just to focus on old, terrible verse, but I reserve the right to include...anything. Maybe everything, certainly my love of pulp novels growing garlic, the Pittsburgh Steelers and howling at the moon--both figuratively and, on rare occasions, literally.
This entry was posted in Commentary. Bookmark the permalink.

3 Responses to Do You Read Your “SPAM” Comments?

  1. Well, at least you’re a guy. I get a lot of these same e-mails from Russian and mixed assorted other femmes fatales who haven’t noted that Christine is a woman’s name. Or no one out there in Spamsville cares.


  2. CC says:

    hahahahahahahaha! I am kind of sad I have never gotten a pussy commander spam comment. Or even a Sven. You totally rock! 🙂


  3. JunkChuck says:

    Got a new one: “I’m impressed, I have to admit. Rarely do I encounter a blog that’s both equally educative and interesting, and without a doubt, you’ve hit the nail on the head. The problem is something not enough people are speaking intelligently about. I’m very happy that I came across this in my hunt for something regarding this.”


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s