Tis and Twas

2004-10-05_0002cI’ve got a pet peeve of the moment: people who say “tis” and “twas,” and who use the word “shall” gratuitously.

Unless it is the night before Christmas, there is no call for ’twas, ever and “shall” sounds like you’re an uptight codger–like Granny on  Downton Abbey–and “tis?”  What the hell is that about?  Are you telling me that is is the season to be jolly?  I did not think that you were.

Consider this:

  • It is a new millennium–we’re more than decade in, in fact.  We have have iron horses and indoor plumbing and electricity and everything.  Hell’s bells, we’ve got magical talking wrist watches and space robots that take really cool picture of Pluto.
  • There is no such thing as Dragons.  There, I said it. I know it hurts, but put down your 50-sided die, drop damsel hat with the gauzy fabric sticking out the top, and join us in the world.
  • And while I’ve got your attention: a few less cats would be a good thing–your house smells like ammonia and the county fair, ’tis true.
  • The word of the day is “Anachronism.” Learn it, know it.
  • There is nothing noble about being a virgin, unless you’re sixteen.
  • Or seventeen, or eighteen, or my daughter.
  • Jousting will never be an Olympic sport, no matter how cool that would be. Now, that highland thing where you toss a telephone pole….
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About JunkChuck

Native, Militant Westsylvanian (the first last best place), laborer, gardener, and literary hobbyist (if by literary you mean "hack"). I've had a bunch of different blogs, probably four, due to a recurring compulsion to start over. This incarnation owes to a desire to dredge up the best entries of the worst little book of hand-scrawled poems I could ever dream of writing, salvageable excerpts from fiction both in progress and long-abandoned. and a smattering of whatever the hell seems to fit at any particular moment. At first blush, I was here just to focus on old, terrible verse, but I reserve the right to include...anything. Maybe everything, certainly my love of pulp novels growing garlic, the Pittsburgh Steelers and howling at the moon--both figuratively and, on rare occasions, literally.
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13 Responses to Tis and Twas

  1. wafflemethis says:

    I shall have to leave a comment on here. Tis a long time since ive heared words like these in fact twas ages☺

    Like

  2. renxkyoko says:

    This post made me smile.

    Like

  3. Been known to do that to make my poetry scan. Does that count? Hey, I know a guy who uses the word ‘whilst’.

    Like

  4. ‘Tis not a good day for those who dream of jousting with dragons in the next Olympics….

    Like

  5. LaVagabonde says:

    Methinks…oh, nevermind.

    Like

  6. Bad Wolf says:

    Or when you’re quoting Shakespeare.

    Like

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