Jesus Took The Wheel? Should Have Tried Brakes.

A number of websites and media outlets are busily covering the story of fortunate lovers and now viral stars of the hour Arika Stovall and Hunter Hanks, whose unlikely survival of a brutal, high speed one vehicle accident has been described in outlets like CNN, Fox News, and others as “heartwarming,” “touching,” and “miraculous.”

It seems to me that that the true miracle is that Mr. Hanks who, according to Ms. Stovall, was careening down the highway at 85 miles an hour in a pickup truck, didn’t maim or kill any other innocent folks who were driving around them.

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“Three seconds. That’s how long we had from the moment we drifted off the road until the truck hit the pilar (sic) at 85mph. In three seconds Hunter had to handle a situation that would either kill us immediately or save our lives. He keeps beating himself up for my pain but he saved my life.”

Yep, heroic. But according to Ms. Stovall, her beau had help. Supernatural help.

“I’m overwhelmed at how little damage was done to Hunter and I in a wreck that should have chopped our bodies in half. I’m in awe of the presence of God in this entire situation. Every part of this experience we went through points directly to Him. The way God helped Hunter to respond exactly the way he did behind the wheel, spinning the truck exactly where it should have to be able to smash into the pilar directly in the middle of me and Hunter so we were both untouched…that doesn’t just happen. God doesn’t throw protection around like that for no reason”

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It seems to me that a truly wise god would have tapped the brakes once or twice before the apparently reckless Mr. Hunter lost control of his vehicle and plowed into an bridge abutment, or maybe spoken to him, in a thundering voice, “Yo, asshat–slow the hell down. What’s the hurry?  You’re going to hurt someone.”

And for Ms. Stovall I offer continued good luck: this douchebag nearly killed you once, let’s hope he doesn’t do better at it the next time.

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About JunkChuck

Native, Militant Westsylvanian (the first last best place), laborer, gardener, and literary hobbyist (if by literary you mean "hack"). I've had a bunch of different blogs, probably four, due to a recurring compulsion to start over. This incarnation owes to a desire to dredge up the best entries of the worst little book of hand-scrawled poems I could ever dream of writing, salvageable excerpts from fiction both in progress and long-abandoned. and a smattering of whatever the hell seems to fit at any particular moment. At first blush, I was here just to focus on old, terrible verse, but I reserve the right to include...anything. Maybe everything, certainly my love of pulp novels growing garlic, the Pittsburgh Steelers and howling at the moon--both figuratively and, on rare occasions, literally.
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7 Responses to Jesus Took The Wheel? Should Have Tried Brakes.

  1. leggypeggy says:

    I wouldn’t be getting in the car with him again.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Yes this story is viral on facebook. She probably hit her head hard and had an hallucination. It would be interesting to follow her to see if she goes to church.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. ssgt leslie says:

    Agree. Seen several new innovations this year at the vegas #ces2016 show casing latest technologies. Such as brake assist. They are both lucky to be alive.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Arkenaten says:

    Ass hat s the perfect description – the driver and the impotent deity he drools over.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. kingmidget says:

    Completely agree. I have a real hard time generating much sympathy for people who are injured or are killed doing stupid things. Lots of attention paid to this couple that should be spend elsewhere.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. I would think a god would have smacked him in the back of the head and said, “Slow it down, dummy!”

    Liked by 1 person

  7. She’s right about one thing though: “God doesn’t throw protection around like that for no reason””, simply because God doesn’t excist.

    Liked by 1 person

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