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humor Uncategorized

Email Excerpts–A Joke

nelson_ha_ha

I’ve saved a lot of email over the years–sort of an electrical pack rat, I guess (put on your Philip Dick and think on that for a nano). I’ll be cleaning up and sharing the best of it with you. I made this as a draft six years ago. No idea why I didn’t click “publish” before today.

On 6/13/2005 11:32 AM, (redacted) wrote:

I was depressed last night so I called Lifeline.
Got a call center in Pakistan.
I told them I was suicidal.
They got all excited and asked if I could drive a truck.

Ouch.

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humor meme

Every Day Is MemeDay: Rescue Child

I’ve saved so many memes in a file on my hard drives and finally wondered: what am I saving these for? My retirement? A rainy day? Maybe that–but isn’t it raining right now? Of course it is. My mom had a leash for me. Of course she did.

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humor

Grim Truth of Almond Milk

I agree with the profundity excerpted below.  It is so deeply wrong that it’s called Almond Milk. There are no nipples on almonds. None. They can’t be milked. They don’t make more tomorrow. They’re drowned, then cracked and crushed and churned through a mechanical extractor and squeezed through a filter. What’s left, that people drink, is more like blood. They should call it Almond Blood.

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