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Random Found Photo: Spring Frolic, With Automatic Weapons

Before you ask, I have no idea….

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Uncategorized

No More Trimming Irish Guard’s Bearskin Hats–Switch To Faux Fur

article-1379261-0BB9212500000578-539_634x372Soldier magazine reports that the English Army, bowing to increasing pressure from Animal Rights Activists and the exhorbitantly expensive costs of trimming and maintenance,  has announced that bearskin helmets worn by the Irish guards while on duty at Buckingham Palace will be phased out in favor the more politically correct and less costly synthetic “faux” bearskin hats.

“The hats are extremely expensive to initially procure,” explained Major Arthur Ursa.  “And it’s a little-known fact that the hair on bearskin keeps growing and needs to be regularly trimmed–a tedious, time-consuming, and difficult process.”

C_71_article_1015253_image_list_image_list_item_0_image-462505Ursa explained that the switch to faux fur not only will save “a shilling from every tax-paying household in Britain, money we can put to better use on ammunition and domestic surveillance,” but will ease the burden of poor public relations generated by continual protests by anti-fur activists who appear at British Embassies around the globe.  The protestors distract government employees, create a security risk, and cause strife with local authorities whenever they appear.

peta-hat_1683378cAs incredible as it sounds, scientists have confirmed this hair-raising fact about the bearskins. The skins retain an original hormone, often for a decade or more, causing follicles to “live” long after the animal has been skinned. Scientists call it otiose and it is hoped it can be put to use in medical research — especially into baldness.

“Bears hibernate in the winter and the amazing thing is that in the spring the skins really start to sprout.” Ursa explained.  “We have a specially trained platoon of barbers who labor round the clock from March well into June.”

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Photo I Like

Random Photo Found via Google Search 5

Random photos from the internet to you, via me.

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About these posts and the photos in ’em: http://wp.me/p3AOvB-FN

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Commentary Quote

Olympics: What I Want To See/Paralympics

“Self doubt is a much greater disability than a guy who’s missing both his Calhounlegs.”–Heath Calhoun

Unless you’ve been living under an abandoned fiberglass pickup camper top in the high grass back in the corner of the yard, beside the compost pile, you’ve probably seen this commercial from AT&T.  I’ve seen it at least a dozen times, though I didn’t remember what exactly it was advertising.  As a sentimental, soppy-eyed old fart I was transfixed by the imagery.

I wondered: who the hell is this guy?  But my TV is too old and small to read the tiny white print that says his name, so I kept wondering for a week or so until I finally found some answers.

http://www.bustle.com/articles/15108-who-is-heath-calhoun-10-facts-about-the-paralympics-skier-att-commercial-star

Very quickly, I wanted to know more.  The more I read, the more I found.  It turns out that Mr. Calhoun has a fan or two…or two million.

Forget the figure skating, the curling that we pretend to think it’s cool because it’s so strange and liking something that boring has a certain ironic cachet, I want to see this badass and his competitors burn down the mountain, and I want to see it front and center, in prime time.  In the age of so-called “reality tv” with it’s scripted “reality” its fix-is-in pretensions of competition, and its limp, vapid, sub-division values, why not give us the true reality of folks like Mr. Calhoun, whose response to getting dumped on by a shitstorm of rotten luck is to suck it up and show the rest of us how to live?

Inspiring, right?  Moving. Brings a joyful tear to your eye?  Sure it does, but let’s not forget the simple fact that, in the end, this wild-minded legless guy is hurtling down a mountain on a chair, strapped to a mono-ski.

Follow Mr. Calhoun on Twitter here: