I know it’s tough, taking your teabagger neighbor seriously; you know, the one who spends all those hours alone on the overpass just outside of town, dressed in a colonial costume, flying a Gadsden flag and dangling a homemade banner that reads “Impeach O’Bama” over the interstate. He’s a mad hatter, for sure, but this year, while he’s mumbling about border walls and the citizens of New Jersey celebrating the 9/11 attacks, pay closer attention. This War on Christmas business is absolutely true.
The evidence is everywhere. Not only is the government busily importing millions of covert ISIS agents disguised as Syrian refugees, who want to kill us because they hate freedom., they are also secretly working with a cabal off “terrist” groups like planned parenthood, FEMA, the Pakistani guys who own all those pizza shops and motels, and the the Florida Citrus Growers Association, who are pissed because people just don’t put oranges in Christmas stockings the way they used to.
And they’re taking Santa down like it’s nobody’s business.