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Loonette Etcetera

If you have kids of a certain age, you’re probably familiar with things like Barney, Teletubbies, Caillou, Arthur, and some of the other PBS children’s staples from the early part of this century. The kids were always ambivalent about Barney, Teletubbies creeped all of us out (if you haven’t seen the Joy Division/Teletubbies mash-up, you should)–and how could they spill that goddamn tubby custard every damn episode? I sort of wished Caillou lived in the neighborhood, just to hope someday when the kids grew up my daughter could kick his sniveling, candied ass, but I like Arthur a lot–and not just because it’s got a lot of western PA references. I remain a big, big Binky fan–but no surprise there, right?
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There is one show, however, that the kids sometimes watched, that we all enjoyed, but which left me feeling vaguely uncomfortable and confused. I’m talking about The Big Comfy Couch–you know, “with Loonette and Molly, a clown and her dolly…?”  Want to know why? It’s no secret, and you already know I’m going to tell you .

At a certain time in each episode, Loonette would tell the time by laying down on this clock carpet on the floor and sort of, sexy clock writhingum, well, gyrate and contort herself into the hours of the day, as they served the plot. It was kind of sexy. I’m not saying that I got aroused, just that I noticed, that I recognized that I noticed, and it made me feel just a little uncomfortable. Okay, it made me feel just a little wrong. It was impossible to tell how old this clown was–and she did have a dolly. Was there something wrong with me? Something dark?

279881You can imagine my relief when I looked at this feature–clicked on a link that led to another link and so on–from Cracked magazine (which has a big web presence, who knew?) titled “If Every Kid’s Show Got a Gritty Live-Action Re-Boot”. They’d had a contest, and among the winners–number 6, in fact–was a fresh, contemporary start for Loonette. I had to smile: it wasn’t just me!

Better still, in searching for the images I used above, I found out that not only does Alyson Court, the actress who played Loonette, have a pretty cool twitter, she’s not all that much younger than me–and she’s actually pretty hot. A lot hot, actually.  So cool and hot–which means that not only am I not a pervert, I’ve got the amazing ability to see through the clownish exterior to the witty, striking, woman beneath the make-up. It’s like BQmAwurCAAIYWaOa super-power, maybe even the hetero equivalent of Gaydar–which, of course, begs the question: why waste it on a broken down old married guy like me?  Nature works in strange, mysterious, and random ways, I guess.

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Photo I Like summer photos

2015 Summer Wonders #68: And the Livin’s Easy.

…and the Livin’s most definitely easy.  L-I-V-I-N, man.

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Funny and/or Strange Photo I Like summer photos

2015 Summer Wonders #21: Bikini Pond Boxing

The days are warm, the water clear and skies blue.  It’s once again time for that classic rite of summer: Women’s Pond Boxing.

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Photo I Like summer photos

2015 Summer Wonder 16: Splash

I’m not even going to consider that this might be photoshopped. It’s too much awesome not to have in my life.

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Funny and/or Strange Photo I Like summer photos

2015 Summer Wonder #13: The Golden Fish Award

I’m never quite sure what to do with these blog awards occasionally bestowed upon me–I’m appreciative, humble even, but it feels very one-sided, and I feel unworthy.

So, starting sometime sooner or later, or when I eventually get around to doing it, I’ll be introducing the Golden Fish Award to certain summery blogs of distinction. Nominations will be accepted and winners treated to kind words, a reblog, and just maybe, if you’re particularly lucky, I’ll wrap up your golden fish in some old newspaper and ship it via USPS one rate service–should be there in 6-10 business days.

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Photo I Like summer photos

2015 Summer Wonders 10: Lakeside Scrounge

Another bikini–the official flag of summer.  This one on a model who is clearly scrounging around the periphery of some un-named lake, desperately looking for food. It’s the hat that sets this particular half-starved woman apart from her skeletal comrades. Got to love that hat.

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2015 Summer Wonders #1: Honk If U Love Summer

The calendar might not say summer…yet…but for as long as I can remember, the beginning of May has been the symbolic start to the season, even if we’ve still got six weeks of “spring” ahead of us.  This image is the first photo  I collected in a file called–you guessed it “Summer” several years before I ever considered having a blog.  Like most of these pictures, I have no idea who made it, who the subject is, or even where the image originally appeared.  I do know that I love summer.

Summer Found Photos–Daily Visions of Summer found floating around the interwebs: many vintage, some not, a lot shot on the beach, but not all. The only criteria is that these images evoke something quintessential about summer. What do you think about when you think about summer?

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Found Winter Photo: Bikini Skiing, Oh Brave New World

The last time I posted a “found” winter photo I prefaced with the following:

“I figured that it was time to start posting some cool “found” winter pictures, the way I do for summer.  The thing is, it is not nearly as easy to find fun, photos of winter–it’s a more serious season, in many ways.  Google “winter” and you get a lot of landscapes and snowy foliage, as opposed to the surfing and bikini babes a ‘”summer” search turns up. “

ski-bikiniUpon further review, it seems that I was mistaken.  A fairly superficial browsing has turned up a plethora of interesting shots, including modern stuff and the vintage pictures I enjoy so much.  I’ve also discovered that bikini girls are not limited to the province of summer–was I the last person to know that “bikini skiing” is a thing?  I put my coat on to step outside to let the dog pee.

George Bush said that “they” hate America because they hate freedom.  I’m pretty sure it’s because they’re jealous of our bikini skiing.  (And yours, too, Canada–you clearly excel in the sport.

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Funny and/or Strange Photo I Like summer photos

Final Found Summer Photo: Swimses With Pigs

The alluring new sequel to Dances With Wolves, but with no annoying Kevin Costner anywhere within sight. Found Summer Photos returns on Memorial Day weekend, May 23, 2015.  In the meantime, tighten up that rake–we’ve got leaves to clean up.
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Photo I Like summer photos

Found Summer Photo: Heidi Klum’s Kite Konfusion

This one is all over the internet, but originally came from super-duper-model Heidi Klum’s very own Instagram page.  It showed up on Huff Post with the following caption, which insured it’s enshrinement here: Ah, the ever-gorgeous Heidi Klum. Pictured here, she is wearing a a “teeny bikini,” frolicking in the natural beauty of the sunlit shore and getting confused about how that kite works.

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As usual, I have not secured the rights to an image that is rampantly available from countless sources, but–Miss Klum–I’ve given credit and will glady remove it if requested. Just drop me a line.