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humor Uncategorized

Email Excerpts–A Joke

nelson_ha_ha

I’ve saved a lot of email over the years–sort of an electrical pack rat, I guess (put on your Philip Dick and think on that for a nano). I’ll be cleaning up and sharing the best of it with you. I made this as a draft six years ago. No idea why I didn’t click “publish” before today.

On 6/13/2005 11:32 AM, (redacted) wrote:

I was depressed last night so I called Lifeline.
Got a call center in Pakistan.
I told them I was suicidal.
They got all excited and asked if I could drive a truck.

Ouch.

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Commentary Photo I Like Uncategorized

Trump: The Joke That Keeps on Giving

So much for being the most powerful man on earth, the Great Yuge Orange One has irrefutably become nothing more than a laughingstock the the other leaders in the world, a punchline to the kind of not-really-funny dirty joke that just makes folks wince.

Here are Lars Lokke Rasmussen, Juha Sipila, Bjarni Benediktsson, Erna Solberg and Stefan Lofven, the prime ministers of Denmark, Finland, Iceland, Norway and Sweden respectively, getting their goof on at the USA’s expense.
Sweden's PM Lofven with his counterparts Rasmussen of Denmark, Solberg of Norway, Sipila of Finland and Benediktsson of Iceland hold a soccer ball during their meeting in Bergen

And here is more, just they never old. Not ever.

 

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Commentary Uncategorized

Denial & Schrödinger’s Cat?

It is 2:30pm and I’ve yet to look at news or Facebook today. If I can’t see it, it hasn’t happened, right? Is there some way I can apply Schrödinger’s cat to current events? For the next four years, or at least until the first indictments?

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Funny and/or Strange Uncategorized

Republican Girl

Embed from Getty Images

In the “Big Government” Guide to Relationships, how do you know when the girl breaking up with you is Republican? Because she says, fully expecting this to make it better, “It’s not me, it’s you.”

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Funny and/or Strange halloween

Monday/Memeday: Captive Spirits

About the halloweeniest I could find.

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Commentary Funny and/or Strange

Fishing Story

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Another joke told to me recently–don’t worry, this won’t become a habit.

Four friends spend weeks planning the perfect backwoods camping and
fishing trip.

Two days before the group is to leave Frank’s wife puts her foot down
and tells him he isn’t going.

Frank’s friends are very upset that he can’t go, but what can they do?

Two days later the three get to the camping site only to find Frank
sitting there with a tent set up, firewood gathered, and fish cooking on
the fire.

11“Damn man, how long you been here and how did you talk your wife into
letting you go?”

“Well, I’ve been here since yesterday. Yesterday evening I was sitting
in my chair and my wife came up behind me and put her hands over my eyes
and said ‘guess who’?” I pulled her hands off and she was wearing a brand new see-through nightie.

“She took my hand and took me to our bedroom. The room had two dozen
candles and rose petals all over. She had on the bed, handcuffs and
ropes! She told me to tie and cuff her to the bed and I did. And then
she said ‘do what ever you want.’

“So, here I am.”