Categories
Commentary Uncategorized

Monster Gator Caught In Florida

Did everyone see the size of the alligator that was recently killed in Florida–estimated at 15′ long and over 700 lbs, it’s shown at the bottom of the page. That’s just…Nope.

It’s like this:

Scary.
grizzly

Real Scary.
shark-intelligence-2a-550x350

Nope.
outwest_farms_alligator2_1459881326461_35552319_ver1.0_640_480

Categories
Commentary

The Face Of Idiocy

My heart wants to call him the Face of Evil, but that sounds kind of cool, and Vontaze Burfict is anything but cool.  I suppose “Face of Everything Wrong With the NFL” would work. I can’t say it was a pleasure watching him and Adam “Pacman” Jones throw away an entire season of sweat and effort invested by their team-mates, but it certainly was expected.
vontaze-burfict-010915-usnews-getty-ftr_qx31d3ws11wz15027zw4n2dya

Categories
Photo I Like summer photos

2015 Summer Wonders #63: Sunflower Maximus

Nothing says summer like Sunflowers–so this  week’s Summer Wonders theme is Sunflower Week.
ginat-sunflower-painted-paper-640

Categories
Commentary

Peterson, His Fans: Pieces of Shit. Every One.

This amidst news that Adrian Peterson has enough anger in him to abuse not just one but two of his children.

There is nothing funny about being beaten by a parent, about fearing that one person in the world you should be able to trust above all others. Who laughs about a bleeding, humiliated child?  Someone fortunate enough to have never shamefully hidden welts and bruises in a locker room. Someone lucky enough to have never been smacked with a stick until “you’re man enough to take it without crying.”  Or kicked so hard his tailbone fractured.  Or whipped across the thighs with a belt “in case your ass is numb.”  The question that occurs to me is this: if Adrian Peterson–or any man–treated a pet the way he treated his children, would there be any debate over his cruelty and barbarism?

Here is what a pile of shit looks like:
vikes15s-1-web

And there is plenty more where this came from:
http://www.nydailynews.com/sports/football/vikings-fan-carries-switch-wears-adrian-peterson-jersey-tailgate-article-1.1939236

And it’s not just the fans who have Peterson’s back.  His team, the Minnesota Vikings, and it’s General Manager are supportive as well.  I guess Mr. Peterson deserves all this concern during this difficult time.  It’s difficult when the world discovers you’re a twisted psycho child-beating monster.

Four year old children.  Does he do toddlers, too?  Infants that cry too much?

Rick Speilman, the aforementioned General Manager, in what must be one of the most cowardly press conferences of all time, breezily explained that it wasn’t his or the teams place to judge how a parent disciplines his child, and that the Vikings would defer to the legal process before making any hasty decisions.  If Mr. Speilman would like a more tangible demonstration he might then use as criteria for judgement, I would be happy to travel to Minneapolis to shove his mouth full of leaves, beat his legs and butt bloody with a stick, and strike him in the scrotum with that same stick.

Peterson did issue an apology–on Twitter–in which he doesn’t mention his child until the fourth paragraph, long after apologizing to his team.  It’s the usual “sorry I was caught” crocodile-tear bullshit you hear from monsters feigning humility.  I’d be surprised if he actually wrote it–it has the stink of a PR hack about it.

Further Reading From Better Minds Than Mine:

http://www.theatlantic.com/entertainment/archive/2014/09/adrian-peterson-is-not-a-symbol/380199/

Categories
Funny and/or Strange Photo I Like

V the K’s Caption–Hours of Fun

http://www.vthek.net

They post a picture–weird, normal, sexy, strange, whatever…and people add captions.  What a simple, wonderful idea I wish I’d had–or had the gall to steal.  If you’re in a bad mood about all the idiots in the world, this page will help.  There’s a lot of funny people out there.

I thought this one was particularly funny and topical

http://www.vthek.net/2010/11/putin-and-puppy.html

putin_puppy1. “Thank you, I can’t wait to eat it.”

2. “You see, this is where Cruella de Vil went wrong. I only need 10, maybe 12 of these to make a good coat.”

3. “In honor of the American First Lady, I will name him, ‘Old Yeller.'”

4. “Cool, let’s shoot it into space until it dies.”

5. Putin’s affection for the animal was short-lived, as was the animal itself when it crapped on the seat of his Harley.

Best of Matt the K
“I guess the Russians love their puppies too”, mused a wistful Sting.

Best of Matt the K
The mindmeld complete, Chairman Scruffy promptly destroyed his humanoid parasite.

Best of HLam
Putin’s mistake of confusing the pooch for a Winter Muff proved fatal for the dog when one hand entered it’s mouth and another hand entered it’s rump.

Best of GregMan
“And I will hug him and squeeze him and name him George.”

Best of Chronos the Wonder Pig
Putin discovers how “Puddles” got his nickname

Best of Jack Reacher
“I will name him Chechnya, and keep my hand always at his throat. Bwahahahahahahha! Oh, I slay me.”

Best of Steve O
Being all out of iPods, Happy Meal toys, and DVD’s didn’t matter — once the State Department came up with exactly the right idea.

Best of Adriane
And here I always thought Beethoven was German …

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
Dear Humane Society Forum – As a puppy, I never thought I’d be writing to you about my sex adventures, but…

Best of JohnS1959
“Alright America, sign the Nuclear Non-Proliferation treaty or the puppy gets it”, threatened Mr. Putin.
Posted by V the K at 10:48 AM
21 comments:

Matt the K said…

“I guess the Russians love their puppies too”, mused a wistful Sting.
11:42 AM
Matt the K said…

The mindmeld complete, Chairman Scruffy promptly destroyed his humanoid parasite.
11:44 AM
Matt the K said…

Putin warmly receives his gift of Puppy Kiev from the North Korean delegation.
11:45 AM
Matt the K said…

Putin was so instantly smitten, he did not hear his translator emphatically begging him to please put Secretary Clinton back down.
11:49 AM
HLam said…

Putin’s mistake of confusing the pooch for a Winter Muff proved fatal for the dog when one hand entered it’s mouth and another hand entered it’s rump.
12:38 PM
GregMan said…

After Putin used his Death Hug to suffocate the puppy, his jaw unhinged and he swallowed it down.
4:05 PM
GregMan said…

Putin couldn’t find a cat like Blofeld’s, so at the last minute he had to make do with what was at hand.
4:07 PM
GregMan said…

“And I will hug him and squeeze him and name him George.”
4:10 PM
Chronos the Wonder Pig said…

Putin discovers how “Puddles” got his nickname
6:32 PM
Chronos the Wonder Pig said…

Putin meets his date from Match.com
6:33 PM
Jack Reacher said…

“I will name him Chechnya, and keep my hand always at his throat. Bwahahahahahahha! Oh, I slay me.”
7:34 PM
Steve O said…

Putin promises to “love him like a Russian.”
8:01 PM
Steve O said…

Being all out of iPods, Happy Meal toys, and DVD’s didn’t matter — once the State Department came up with exactly the right idea.
8:03 PM
dadoctah said…

“As the Christmas marketing season ramps up, we’re all set to kick us some Zhu Zhu pet ass!”
11:28 PM
americanelephant said…

Pooty-poot and poopy too.
12:12 AM
Adriane said…

And here I always thought Beethoven was German …
12:43 AM
Carpe Phlogiston said…

My vote for Instant Threadwinner – GregMan’s… “And I will hug him and squeeze him and name him George.”

-OR-

Dog’s Thawtbubble: Okay, I’m looking into his eyes and don’t get a sense he has a soul. Could it be that Bush totally confused the chill that ran down his spine with the “tingle” wimps get around alphas?

-OR-

Dear Humane Society Forum – As a puppy, I never thought I’d be writing to you about my sex adventures, but…

-OR-

Putin Thawtbubbleski: Grow up qvickly, Igor. I have a vodka kegger that vill be like a beautiful albatross around your neck.
1:13 PM
Passionate Conservative said…

Yeltsin, reincarnated.
4:02 PM
JohnS1959 said…

“Alright America, sign the Nuclear Non-Proliferation treaty or the puppy gets it”, threatened Mr. Putin.
8:38 PM
JohnS1959 said…

“Well clearly Mr. Putin’s dog, Stoli, has no trouble identifying the alpha male leader of the pack”, related Cesar the Dog Whisperer. “My work is done here. Now I’m off to Washington DC to face the biggest challenge of my career”.
8:44 PM
Anonymous said…

Dog thought bubble:
“I smell a big fat commie rat.”

Vinney
8:26 AM

Categories
Commentary science

Introducing the “Demon Hell-Chicken O’Saurus”

TvyamNb-BivtNwpvn7Sct0VFDulyAfA9wBcU0gVHVnqC5ghpxwCm4toNBf-29LtGiGU28bF0u4Gjkzw752cSometimes I post stuff just because I can, and there’s no way I’m not posting this.  Some paleontologists recently announced the discovery of a new type of Big_BIrddinosaur they’ve affectionately titled “the chicken from hell.”  Well, not so much a discovery but more a new perspective on a species they’ve know about for a while. Described as a feathered, 7-foot tall monster that looks “like a cross between a reptile and an emu,” its official name is “Anzu wyliei” but those crazy scientists are sticking with “chicken from hell” as the colloquial.  I have to admit–there’s something familiar about this bad boy, something I just can’t put my finger on.  Hmmmm…what can it be?

Okay, not all that funny, right.  I’m not lying about this feathery titan, however.  It’s the real damn deal.  They’ve got bones and everything, in this little museum right down the road from us called, er, The Carnegie Museum of Natural History, which is fairly awesome, by the way–plan your vacation now–it’s connected to the Carnegie Museum of Art and there’s a great noodle shop half a block up the street.

chicken-hellBut I digress.  This giant bird thing is (was) real, and it’s totally badass (notice my penchant for fitting that word into every blog entry I write?*).  Like Kevin Costner, it was known to stalk the plains,particularly the Dakotas, back when they were swampy and humid.

http://www.sltrib.com/sltrib/news/57699081-78/dinosaur-schachner-anzu-carnegie.html.csp

I’m unabashedly in love with this beast–it’s that cool, but the big brain guys down in Pittsburgh need to shrug off this foreign-sounding “Anzu wyliei” stuff and give it a good, old-fashioned tradtional hyperbolic name–working forward on the “chicken from hell” theme I’m going to go with Demon Hell-Chicken O’Saurus.  Has a ring to it, don’t you think?

*I am not-so-quietly advocating for the acceptance of this word in the connected, non-hyphenated form:  not “bad ass” or “bad-ass,” just badass.  It can be both a noun or adjective, but “badassed” is also an acceptable adjective form.  The act of being a continual badass is “badassery,” and trough habitual–and preferably unintentional, un-self-conscious badassery one may eventually reach that heightened state of being known as “badassness.”

Categories
Funny and/or Strange Quote Uncategorized

Best Damn Quotes #5: Bobby Henderson, founder, Church of The Flying Spaghetti Monster

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/6/6e/Touched_by_His_Noodly_Appendage.jpg
http://www.androidarts.com/ProfileFAQ.htm

“I don’t have a problem with religion. What I have a problem with is religion posing as science. If there is a god and he’s intelligent, then I would guess he has a sense of humor.”
—Bobby Henderson, founder, Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster or Pastafarianism.

Categories
Uncategorized

Bigfoot is Back in Pennsylvania Wilds

bigfoot

When I was a kid, thinking about this guy used to keep me awake at night on camping trips–now he’s back.

http://www.pittsburghmagazine.com/Best-of-the-Burgh-Blogs/The-412/October-2013/Bigfoot-Possibly-Real-Possibly-Stalking-Pennsylvania-Woods/

How do you catch a Bigfoot?  I’ve heard people trying to bait traps with big chunks of meat.  I suggest a different form of bait. It always worked for me–and some folks have, ahem, noticed a certain resemblance….

bigfoot-kiss