Categories
Funny and/or Strange

North Koreans, Pissed At Chuck, Launch Bomb Strikes

I guess I’ve pushed it to far, making fun of North Korea. They’re coming for me, with everything they have.  Meanwhile, in the bowels of hell, the old madman is laughing, and I’m just stuck here warily watching the skies.

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Categories
Funny and/or Strange

Kim Jong “Sponge Bob” Il

A short while back, North Korea’s indomitable little despot, Kim Jong Un, son of my good old friend Kim Jong Il, held a press conference to tell the world that he could use a hydrogen bomb to destroy Manhattan pretty much any damn time the mood struck him. Given the disparity of nuclear weapon stocks, as well as the technology gap between the USA and the People’s Democratic Republic of Korea that would virtually assure North Korea’s quick and efficient transformation into a vast, glassy hole in the ground in the event of an atomic engagement, I pretty much ignored the threat–but what did concern me was Jong Il’s own transformation from fairly normal looking Asian dictator into–do you see it?–Sponge Bob.

Seriously :
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Categories
Funny and/or Strange Narrative/Journal Uncategorized

On This Day in History…

In 1941, legendary North Korean dictator Kim Jong-il was born. He would have been 75. I snapped this photo back in my days with the diplomatic corps, during a three-day bender with Jong-il and a trio of Belgian prostitutes we’d picked up after a failed, clandestine meeting in Antwerp. He wanted nothing to do with increased grain subsidies, he’d laughed, unless that grain arrived in the form of Jack Daniels bourbon, which was hard to come by in North Korea thanks to an American embargo on luxury goods.

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Jong-il decided he wanted to swim, and one thing led to another. We crossed France without incident. Surely some palms were greased along the way, as there was no mistaking the sleek, vintage  1974 Lincoln I wouldn’t see again until his funeral parade.  Man, was that car cool.

Just after dawn we found ourselves in an apartment two blocks off the Cotes de Basques, ostensibly maintained as an RBG safe house. There was so much beer, pot, and cocaine–Jong-il was crazy about snorting the coke from one of the hooker’s ass cracks, after which he would laugh for half an hour, just giggling like a school girl–I’ve never seen anything like it, even during the out of control years of the first Bush administration. We never even left the apartment, let alone saw the beach. Sure do miss that crazy little guy; he really knew how to party.

 

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