Commentary Funny and/or Strange Uncategorized

Thanks, Mom

My mom just had a birthday, but we’re not celebrating it until tomorrow since she was away on the actual day. We’re going to get out the grill, burn some food, have something bad for us for desert. By coincidence, one of my nephews posted this on his facebook* page:


My immediate response was laughing agreement, “I know, right?” But then I got to thinking: It’s been a long time since I paid any attention to how women respond to me, because the best part of being old (though not as old as my mom….

…is just not caring what anyone thinks about anything. The default response of most mature folks over 50 is “Screw you, assclown!” 

But who among us hasn’t thought after some chick (or dude, if that’s how you roll) does that snotty tongue-click “tch” thing, that the obviously blind jerk needs a sit down with mom?

I actually believed I was handsome well into my teenage years, thanks to my mom, until that day that I really looked in the mirror and was, like, “Oh, so that’s what the problem is.” Fortunately, by that time, I’d already started to not give many damns–and if girls are attracted to anything, it’s guys who just don’t give a damn. The less damns you have to give, the more what you do have are in demand.

And hey, mom: thanks for that.

Commentary Uncategorized

Am I The Only One Wondering…

…why they keep making children’s movies now that my kids are grown?

Most of them look pretty awful.  Seems like such a waste of valuable screen space.



My All-Time Favorite Christmas Decoration

My daughter made this way back in elementary school–we didn’t date it, so I can’t say exactly when, but it had to be first or second grade.  Or earlier.  I keep thinking that I should try to have it laminated, but my wife thinks that doing so would ruin it and we should just “let it run it’s course.”

Me, I want to save it forever–quickly summing up the differences in our perspectives.  I am a soppy sentimentalist, she’s more of an in-the-moment realist.  The mix has worked out pretty well for the past twenty years–and, hey, without her I’d never have this cool decoration, nor the countless great Christmas memories we’ve accumulated over those years.
My favorite Christmas Decoration by cbmanges


Parenting Advice

A person I like and respect, and whose children I regard with great admiration and affection, granted me one of the greatest compliments by asking, “So, what do you think you did that helped your children turn into such wonderful young people?”

I had to contain myself from basking in that praise, then resist the temptation to recount my daughters’ worst moments with an “oh, you should see them fight at home!” because all of us have our moments, and if they’re rare enough those moments don’t count.  Then, more soberly, I credited my amazing wife, as good a mother as has ever been.

Finally, I gathered my words and said, “We have always treated them with respect, and we demand respect in return.”

“That’s it?”

“I could dissemble,” I said. “Lots of supportive family, never give in to a tantrum, both practice and expect patience–and, oh sure, every night when it was time for bed I held them close and sang old Townes Van Zandt songs, so maybe that’s it: lullabies about Mexican gunfighters and sad, self-destructive prostitutes.”

And yep, I think that’s it.