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Commentary Uncategorized

Don’t Count On Impeachments Before They’re Hatched.

The Interwebs are crackling with excitement over the possibility that finally, after an interminably frustrating 4 months in office (who thought he’d even last this long?) something might possibly stick to the, er, gold plated Teflon-coated skin of our embarrassment-in-chief. The word “impeachment,” along with “Russia,” and “Traitor” is trending, and Trump apologists are hunkered down and hiding, at least for the immediate future–Charlie Rose reports that no less than 20 Republican politicians have declined interview invitations. Twenty. This could be unprecedented, begging the question: have twenty politicians ever refused to talk on the same day before?

I remain unimpressed. I just watched a video on CNN of Paul Ryan, jabbering about how we know nothing yet, that he has to gather evidence, especially given the lengths that people have gone to in order to undermine The President. He wants to convey objectivity without breaking loyalty, and I suppose if I was a Trump supporter I’d appreciate his effort, but I’m well past the point where I give the President the benefit of a doubt. Trump has been managing his presidency like a performance art parody of a multi-cam comedy about a bungling President and his goofy staff. Think: dystopian photo-negative reimagining of that old Michael J. Fox television classic, Spin City. (Richard Kind character equated to Sean “Spicey” Spicer is perfection.) It would be hilarious, if only this was a real TV show, not the wealthiest, most powerful nation in the history of mankind.

Trump has lied on top of lies, generally refusing to recant on even the most obvious untruths. He lies for no great reason, with a conviction that suggests a pathological pattern of behavior, and he lies on grand stages about serious events. He lashes out at enemies, provokes allies, and slanders strangers, often as a calculated distraction from his own gaffes and outrages, but sometimes just for sport. Despite this behavior he is defended by those in his adopted party (most of his life, Trump voted Democrat, undoubtedly as a networking advantage in heavily Democratic New York City) not as dishonest and repugnant, but as a colorful maverick.

It is going to take a hell of a lot more than a little treason and a lot of bold lies to even consider articles of impeachment, must less dislodging this should-be Pariah from the White House. Fox News is pretty much calling fired FBI directed James Comey a liar, and the Teabaggers are circling the wagons, wrapped up in sticking it to “the man” in spite of the fact that few presidents have embodied the concept of “the man” more ably that pussy-grabbing, deal-breaking, bankruptcy-making Donald Trump.

The regressive core of the Republican party has refused to condemn Trump for childish and destructive conduct for plenty of reasons. Plenty of cowards fear him–not him exactly, although his impulsive vindictiveness certainly keeps some on edge. Rather, they fear the angry, desperate mob Trump whipped up with his phony promises and hollow nationalism, and which he still wields like a cudgel. Others are content to let him ride roughshod as long as he tears down and dismantles every component of government he can get his tiny little hands on. Some people just want to watch the world burn. Others sit back and watch Trump do it for them, like a wind-up monkey. They don’t care about international relations, or the welfare of the people, or anything outside of their ideological contempt for all things regulatory or administrative. And finally, you have the two types of opportunists. There is the Paul Ryan model, who believe in nothing beyond personal advancement. Remember how Ryan and his ilk loathed Trump until he won the primary, at which point they loved him? Beside them are the practical cowards, like Vice President Mike Pence, men and women who are smart and competent enough to see Trump for what he really is, but who are more than willing to ally with him if it means politically leveraging advantage for their own, narrow pet causes. For Pence, it is tearing down the boundary between Church and State, a particularly onerous trade shared by most evangelical theocratists, faith-healers, closeted hypocrites and snake-oil sellers of the Christian entertainment industry.,all of whom look blindly past Trumps gutter-crawl through marriage after marriage, his greed and idolatry, his coveting and his gluttony. I can’t say that Trump has murdered, but he seems to have the rest of the commandments and motal sins checked off like a movie serial killers “to do” list. And the christian activists couldn’t care less.

Of course, in order to actually impeach Trump, we would need to see enough Republicans willing to put the welfare of the nation and it’s people–including all the lazy poor and devious immigrants (or children of immigrants)–above whatever stake they have in the Trump administration, knowing that by convicting they will at the same time be admitting to their own culpability in enabling their President and his banana republic management of the nation. And even then, in the unlikely event that the house impeaches, and the senate does not acquit, we end up with Pence as President, with Ryan skulking in the shadows, at which point we’re forced to consider: what is preferable, an idiot child-king or a polished politician, when the overwhelming platform won’t change all that much. In many ways, Trump’s arrogant incompetence is a check and balance, revealing what might, under a more capable politician, have been hidden in shadows while at the same time stirring up a storm of angry resistance. I want Trump gone as much or more than the next guy, but I’m awfully wary of what comes next.

Categories
Commentary

Smoking and Obama Kill?

If you’re wondering do other nations villify us  as much as we do them, witness this poster seen recently in Moscow. It says, “Smoking Kills More People than Obama does.”

720

When I’m done laughing, all I can think is: yeah, well–that’s all fine and dandy and cute and funny, Russia–but ask yourself this: are your better off today than when your own President took office?  Because he sure is, with a net worth of nearly $200 Billion that qualifies him as one of the wealthiest people on earth.

So, let’s call it a draw. May the biggest man win.

SAINT PETERSBURG - SEPTEMBER 05: In this handout image provided by Host Photo Agency, Russian President Vladimir Putin (L) and U.S. President Barack Obama shake hands during an official welcome during the G20 Summit on September 5, 2013 in St. Petersburg, Russia. The G20 summit is expected to be dominated by the issue of military action in Syria while issues surrounding the global economy, including tax avoidance by multinationals, will also be discussed during the two-day summit. (Photo by Alexey Kudenko/Host Photo Agency via Getty Images)
(Photo by Alexey Kudenko/Host Photo Agency via Getty Images)
Categories
Commentary Funny and/or Strange

Soccer (football with a “small f”) Corruption

Wars, disease, famine, earthquakes, a really big case hitting the U.S. Supreme Court tomororow, and a movie about California breaking in half before The Rock fixes it with a helicopter–and STILL the top story in the news for a second day in a row is that some guys in suits related to some international soccer organization or another are corrupt. Woooooooo, I’m shocked.

What’s next? Hurling? (That’s not fair, hurling is kind of cool). Okay then: curling?

A guy named Sepp Blatter is somehow involved. I think he might have deflated some soccer balls, not to give anyone an advantage or anything, but out of vengeance for that name. Sepp Blatter sounds like an ineptly villainous Monty Python character–i’m thinking German guy, maybe with a lisp.  Or maybe it’s German for “Tom Brady?”

My news aggregator is full of these soccer stories. What the hell?  I could read them to find out what the deal is but, you know, it’s soccer.  Maybe if it was croquette?  Or Marbles?  Marbles would make it a story.

But maybe this Sepp Blatter fellow is bad. It’s possible, I guess. I know Putin is all pissed off about it.  But I’m wondering, what’s ISIL up to today?  How about those Chinese naval hijinks?  Floods in Texas?  Lost shipments of Anthrax–that’s a real page 6 whoopsie, eh?

But maybe they did cover all that stuff adequately?  It’s possible I missed it amidst all the coverage over news that McDonalds is going to make its buns a little crispier.  And speaking of buns, have you seen what’s going down on The Bachelor?  Oh, man–that Tammy Lee Sapinsky is up to no damn good, but she got a rose.  What’s the world coming to?

Categories
Funny and/or Strange Photo I Like

V the K’s Caption–Hours of Fun

http://www.vthek.net

They post a picture–weird, normal, sexy, strange, whatever…and people add captions.  What a simple, wonderful idea I wish I’d had–or had the gall to steal.  If you’re in a bad mood about all the idiots in the world, this page will help.  There’s a lot of funny people out there.

I thought this one was particularly funny and topical

http://www.vthek.net/2010/11/putin-and-puppy.html

putin_puppy1. “Thank you, I can’t wait to eat it.”

2. “You see, this is where Cruella de Vil went wrong. I only need 10, maybe 12 of these to make a good coat.”

3. “In honor of the American First Lady, I will name him, ‘Old Yeller.'”

4. “Cool, let’s shoot it into space until it dies.”

5. Putin’s affection for the animal was short-lived, as was the animal itself when it crapped on the seat of his Harley.

Best of Matt the K
“I guess the Russians love their puppies too”, mused a wistful Sting.

Best of Matt the K
The mindmeld complete, Chairman Scruffy promptly destroyed his humanoid parasite.

Best of HLam
Putin’s mistake of confusing the pooch for a Winter Muff proved fatal for the dog when one hand entered it’s mouth and another hand entered it’s rump.

Best of GregMan
“And I will hug him and squeeze him and name him George.”

Best of Chronos the Wonder Pig
Putin discovers how “Puddles” got his nickname

Best of Jack Reacher
“I will name him Chechnya, and keep my hand always at his throat. Bwahahahahahahha! Oh, I slay me.”

Best of Steve O
Being all out of iPods, Happy Meal toys, and DVD’s didn’t matter — once the State Department came up with exactly the right idea.

Best of Adriane
And here I always thought Beethoven was German …

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
Dear Humane Society Forum – As a puppy, I never thought I’d be writing to you about my sex adventures, but…

Best of JohnS1959
“Alright America, sign the Nuclear Non-Proliferation treaty or the puppy gets it”, threatened Mr. Putin.
Posted by V the K at 10:48 AM
21 comments:

Matt the K said…

“I guess the Russians love their puppies too”, mused a wistful Sting.
11:42 AM
Matt the K said…

The mindmeld complete, Chairman Scruffy promptly destroyed his humanoid parasite.
11:44 AM
Matt the K said…

Putin warmly receives his gift of Puppy Kiev from the North Korean delegation.
11:45 AM
Matt the K said…

Putin was so instantly smitten, he did not hear his translator emphatically begging him to please put Secretary Clinton back down.
11:49 AM
HLam said…

Putin’s mistake of confusing the pooch for a Winter Muff proved fatal for the dog when one hand entered it’s mouth and another hand entered it’s rump.
12:38 PM
GregMan said…

After Putin used his Death Hug to suffocate the puppy, his jaw unhinged and he swallowed it down.
4:05 PM
GregMan said…

Putin couldn’t find a cat like Blofeld’s, so at the last minute he had to make do with what was at hand.
4:07 PM
GregMan said…

“And I will hug him and squeeze him and name him George.”
4:10 PM
Chronos the Wonder Pig said…

Putin discovers how “Puddles” got his nickname
6:32 PM
Chronos the Wonder Pig said…

Putin meets his date from Match.com
6:33 PM
Jack Reacher said…

“I will name him Chechnya, and keep my hand always at his throat. Bwahahahahahahha! Oh, I slay me.”
7:34 PM
Steve O said…

Putin promises to “love him like a Russian.”
8:01 PM
Steve O said…

Being all out of iPods, Happy Meal toys, and DVD’s didn’t matter — once the State Department came up with exactly the right idea.
8:03 PM
dadoctah said…

“As the Christmas marketing season ramps up, we’re all set to kick us some Zhu Zhu pet ass!”
11:28 PM
americanelephant said…

Pooty-poot and poopy too.
12:12 AM
Adriane said…

And here I always thought Beethoven was German …
12:43 AM
Carpe Phlogiston said…

My vote for Instant Threadwinner – GregMan’s… “And I will hug him and squeeze him and name him George.”

-OR-

Dog’s Thawtbubble: Okay, I’m looking into his eyes and don’t get a sense he has a soul. Could it be that Bush totally confused the chill that ran down his spine with the “tingle” wimps get around alphas?

-OR-

Dear Humane Society Forum – As a puppy, I never thought I’d be writing to you about my sex adventures, but…

-OR-

Putin Thawtbubbleski: Grow up qvickly, Igor. I have a vodka kegger that vill be like a beautiful albatross around your neck.
1:13 PM
Passionate Conservative said…

Yeltsin, reincarnated.
4:02 PM
JohnS1959 said…

“Alright America, sign the Nuclear Non-Proliferation treaty or the puppy gets it”, threatened Mr. Putin.
8:38 PM
JohnS1959 said…

“Well clearly Mr. Putin’s dog, Stoli, has no trouble identifying the alpha male leader of the pack”, related Cesar the Dog Whisperer. “My work is done here. Now I’m off to Washington DC to face the biggest challenge of my career”.
8:44 PM
Anonymous said…

Dog thought bubble:
“I smell a big fat commie rat.”

Vinney
8:26 AM

Categories
Funny and/or Strange Photo I Like

Putin Just A Wanna-Be

I can’t be the first, or the only, internet hack to point out that Vladimir “Vain Vlad” Putin’s whole wild man schtick is neither new nor particularly interesting.  In fact, he’s quite literally a (ghostly white) pale imitation of a real rough customer.

tumblr_mhxc4mc8RF1qzpsuoo1_500

 

 

 

 

 

 

But…

teddy moose

 

 

 

 

 

 

Bonus points to the world leader who invented national parks and who, when he was shot in an assassination plot during a speech, opted to stay at the podium and finish his speech before stopping by the hospital.

Negative points for having sexy threesomes with dolphins.  That’s not the kind of rough riding we were talking about, Vlad.

putin gets it on

 

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Uncategorized

Totally Digging Figure Skating–Well, I’ll Be Damned

Some things–like the bus that runs you down–you never see coming.  When I was a kid, my mom used to torture me by taking me to the Ice Capades every year, year after year–until I was, I think, 13 and convinced her to let me bring my friend Kazoo.  Instead of me sitting there sulky and miserable, I had a co-conspirator to cackle and sneer and chortle and guffaw.  I remember they had some guy in a bumblebee outfit–a former Japanese Olympian, if memory serves–doing a routine, probably just to humiliate him, as if Nagasaki wasn’t enough.

We howled, “bzzz, bzzz, bzzz!” and garnered endless angry stares and silent rebukes from The Greatest Generation, all gathered so sternly about us.  So ended an era, she must have thought. For me, it was like Moses parted the Red Sea.  I was free.

baiul93I can’t say I’ve been indifferent to the sport ever since.  The infamous Tanya Harding/Nancy Kerrigan thing couldn’t be ignored, especially when my job at the time allowed me to briefly (like, 90 seconds) meet Kerrigan, who was actually really nice, and Oksana Baiul, who was not nice, drank like a sailor on leave, and chain-smoked Marlboro Lights–in fairness all qualities I happened to admire, at the time; she seemed to weigh about 73 pounds, tops, though, but had a really cool white fur coat.  White fox?  Ermine?  As usual, I digress.

Sochi Olympics Figure SkatingI ate a bowl of spaghetti in front of the TV last night, since the kids were out and my wife was 10 pages from the end of a book, and got hooked on the free skate portion of the couples figure skating, and I’m man enough to admit it.  Specifically, a pair of Russians called Ksenia Stolbova and Fedor Klimov blazed through a perfect routine–or what looked like a perfect routine to this old redneck–and just totally, completely, indubitably rocked it. When they finished, 2014-02-12T183332Z_520057297_LR2EA2C1FJLA8_RTRMADP_3_OLYMPICS-FIGURESKATINGgrim determination melted into exuberance, and the absolute cutest fist pump I’ve seen in ages.  Yep, I was hooked.  The unbridled enthusiasm charmed me utterly, especially in a sport in which the competitors are often firmly taciturn.  A few minutes of 934-1q5utA.AuSt.55.jpegcommercials later, another Russian pair–favorites Maxim Trankov and Tatiana Volosozhar–hit the ice.  I’d seen them tearing things up in the shorter routine (oh, the horror–what have I become?) the night before, and expected them to have that same sort of grim professionalism, but this time–with the pride of their nation seemingly in the balance–they couldn’t keep their emotion and energy contained.

They didn’t look as technically, icily perfect as the night before.  Indeed, Maxim Trankovthey seemed possessed by some otherworldly force. I was certain that there was no way they could fall, nor stumble, nor fail.  It had been ordained by a great power (God?  Putin?).  These folks owned the ice–or at least leased it, long-term, from Mad Vlad, and would not be denied.  I must admit I was a bit jealous that I wasn’t Russian–if that makes sense at all.  It would really have been something to cheer for these four athletes with the passion and conviction of nation with me.