Edelman vs. Sabrina = Feminist Coup? Plus More Post-Superbowl

Ah, the Superbowl.  The lights, the commericals, the hubris…

Screen-shot-2015-02-04-at-12.07.41-PM1Richard Sherman, Doug Baldwin, the worst play call in the history of the Superbowl notwithstanding, the best story line is “Sabrina’s” priceless sleeping Julian Edelman photo: I think it’s crass and inappropriate and immature and disrespectful and indicative of much that’s wrong in our culture today but also totally fantastic because this is the kind of shit guys pull all the time and everybody chuckles and wags their fingers and grins about what a bad boy (nudge nudge, wink wink) he is.

I know that’s a run-on.  It’s supposed to be.

I’m not sure if post-coital internet posts (and I’m so damned old I don’t even know what the hell Tinder is*) following a drunken celebrity-bagging safari is a feminist gesture, but it sure seems like this young lady was taking control of and owning her sexuality. From that perspective, she’s almost heroic.


I mean, if they’d had digital cameras a back when dodo birds roamed the world and I was sleeping with all sorts of famous women…

Ah, the twisted. delusional ramblings of a dirty old man.

Other Post-Bowl Comments:

In the wake of Superbowl 49, let’s ditch the Roman numerals–no one learns latin anymore: they’d be better off putting Superbowl titles in Cyrillic: Cуперкубок 49

Or Chinese: 超級碗49

Or even arabic:  الفناء تسعة وأربعين

All equally effective to Superbowl XLIX.  Sounds like the name of a rapping porn star.  X-licks?  Phooey!

This never gets old.
This never gets old.

And how about Seattle’s bonehead play to serve up the Superbowl to the crux of evil Patriots? Any good Steelers fan who was alive in 1994 will tell you NEVER PASS DOWN THE MIDDLE ON SHORT AND GOAL AT THE END OF THE FOURTH QUARTER WITH THE GAME ON THE LINE.  It’s ironic, because so many Seahawk faithful still whine about the Steelers beating them back in Superbowl XL (now that’s a Roman Numeral…Xtra Freaking LARGE, mofo.

So many good Asshats to right about right now:   let’s not fail to mention (it’s what he wants, anyway) Seattle’s “Baldwin Squat” touchdown celebration.  From this point forward he’ll be known as Shithead–not the only guy in the NFL with that nickname, but the most deserving.  I’m pretty certain he’s the first guy in NFL history to be disciplined for simulated defecation.

He used to be just a run of the mill douchebag–but now he’s a infamously juvenile “deucebag.”

This is turning out to be a fun post, and I’m realizing one thing that didn’t occur to me while the two teams I despise most were butting heads.  You see, I’d been thinking that it was lamentable that one of these teams would win, but what I should have been thinking about was that one of them was just as certain to lose.

Is that my own sour grapes talking?  Absolutely, but it’s okay as long as I’m self-aware enough to realize it.  The truth of the matter is that it was a very interesting, exciting game, unlike last year’s debacle (thanks, Peyton) so, ultimately, it could have been worse.

*Oh, I have an idea what Tinder is, and I know that I could look it up and find out in about twenty seconds, but I’d like the idea of living in a world where I’m totally ignorant of such things.  A happier, less complicated world….

Commentary Journal Quote

War Is Cruelty, And You Cannot Refine It

Excuse me a moment while I alienate all the southerners reading this blog….


This is General William Tecumseh Sherman on scenic horse ride through Georgia–I got in a bit of a kerfluffle with a southern stranger on Pinterest last year after I 86c237077812f258c8a367c7e5c7f7depinned the image to the right on the photo saving site, along with a favorite Sherman quote, one I find continually compelling, particularly in light of the penchant for many passionate southerners to look back on the history of the time through the rose tinted glasses of “northern aggression” and all that revisionist bullshit.  If nothing else Sherman reminds us that the South started the war.

“You cannot qualify war in harsher terms than I will. War is cruelty, and you cannot refine it; and those who brought war into our country deserve all the curses and maledictions a people can pour out. I know I had no hand in making this war, and I know I will make more sacrifices to-day than any of you to secure peace.”

I have no love of the man, whose reasoned barbarism in the civil war was surpassed by his cruelty in the “Indian Wars” that followed–but I found the woman attacking me to be intolerable.

Linda Ricker • 39 weeks ago

“If you had ANY idea whatsoever of what he and his men did to many southern families and their children, you would NOT admire this man at all! He and his men were nothing shy of satan himself! He and his men raped women while their husbands were off fighting. They raped and molested the children while they made the mothers watch. They stole our things and shipped them up North via railways and rivers and the ocean. War is horrible enough, but he and his men made it HELL!”

Junk Chuck • 39 weeks ago

“…because slavery wasn’t cruel? Approximately 10 million captive slaves were killed in bondage in North America, another 1.2-2 million died en route, and as many as 6 million died as an indirect result of the slave trade in Africa. I contend that the numbers of enslaved families were far greater, and the crimes perpetrated upon them far more heinous than the experience of the average southern family. I understand that southern history books teach differently, but Master raped and molested far more efficiently, and far frequently, than did the soldiers in Sherman’s armies. I’m sorry your things were stolen and shipped north–maybe your ancestors shouldn’t have stolen people’s children and sold them. I never see that goddamned rebel flag, the emblem of hate and murder and greed and racism (not a signet of some misguided idea of idyllic, romanticized “southern pride”) that I don’t feel sick to my stomach. The glorious south perpetrated feudalistic genocide and got what was coming to them.”

$(KGrHqFHJEQFC1Y23KpSBQ3ceq6Do!~~60_1The glorification of southern slave culture is something that piques my ire with a singular, venomous sting.  A bunch of Nazis get together to celebrate old times, and we’re convening international tribunals, but we’re perfectly fine with these “rebel” yahoos?  I’m posting this after spending half an hour on the highway recently behind a diesel 4×4 riding crazy huge rims and bearing the following bumper stickers. (These are the the same images, though not on the vehicle in question–I found them readily enough on the internet.)

 obamidt-300x225dontrenigin2012Now, what I find so–I guess “amusing” isn’t the word, maybe “ironic” or humorously contradictory, is this connection between self-styled conservatives and the iconography of southern rebellion.  The rebel flag is, at it’s basest, a symbol of contempt for America and American ideals, and while our constitution thankfully protects the rights of rednecks and idiots to spit on and disdain those ideals, it could be argued that embracing the confederate flag–the flag of a nation that is NOT the USA I might add–is, at best, an act of anti-patriotism.  Isn’t that just the kind of thing about which conservatives are so often foaming at the mouth?  Remember “Freedom fries?”  Lapel pins?  Just recently President Obama was criticized for carrying a cup of coffee in one hand and saluting the Marine guard as he stepped from his helicopter as being insufficiently patriotic.

321dog4296 AP05042204298 bush_barney_salute finger

Opps!  Wrong photos.

Yeh, I couldn’t resist that, even though it dilutes and distracts from my argument.  What I’d like to see, next time Obama steps off the chopper, is him dramatically throwing his styrofoam cup to the ground, then fervently salute the Marines before grabbing them on the shoulders and kissing them, one after the other, euro-style, first on one cheek then the other.  Of course, he’d then not only have all the usual trolls riding him, but the Sierra Club would be all over his ass for the litter.

MJZ598The point is this: how can people be so damned touchy about patriotism at one moment, then turn around and…well, what am I saying?  We’re humans, after all, wreathed in complexity and contradiction, glorious reminders of the…no, not that, either–because it’s all a perfect plan, right?  Aren’t inconsistencies at odds with the intelligent design that’s been fine-tuning us for every one of the 3,000 years or so that there has been life on Earth?  So, no–I don’t get it.

And you thought they didn’t make these!

I learned not so long ago that “you’re either for us or against us.” I can deal with that.  I can get behind that.  My earliest relatives arrived here in the late seventeenth and early eighteenth century from England, Scotland, and Alsace, and as far as I know none of them ever looked back. I certainly don’t fly an Alsatian flag on my lawn, or stick one on the bumper of my ILUV (impractically large utility vehicle).  Of course, given the proud martial history of Alsace, I’m not sure it would intimidate anyone, but oh, the beer….

The other thing that occurs to me is that the glorious armies of the Confederate States of America totally and unequivocally got their asses handed to them on a plate…and yes, perhaps they didn’t run, but only because they were left to stumble home shoeless, starving, bloody and broken.  Indeed, the fact that southern cultures exists at all is owed to the decision, made by the Northern leadership, to try to repair the nation rather than treat the south as, perhaps, it should have been treated: as the hostile, former homeland of a conquered and bitter enemy–like the way Israel treats Palestine. I mean, if you’re not going to be grateful….


Just remember, this juxtoposition is inherently flawed.  The two flags, and two mindsets, are incompatible.  One cannot have it both ways–the two are mutally exclusive.  Or, as a not all that wise woman liked to say, “America, love it or leave it.”