This British guy with a big waxed mustache made this show up on my personal facebook page just now. We’re supposed to be friends, but–now I’m not so sure.
I showed it to my wife and she said, “Well, if I had to have a penis that one would be pretty cool.” But the question remains: what the hell is happening.
It hasn’t been the best autumn for me, as a football fan. In the opening rounds of the season, all of my favorite teams–Pitt, Oregon, IUP, the Steelers, and our local high school team are a combined 4-7, with 3 of those losses coming from the hometown boys, a bunch of great young men, many of whom I’ve known since they were in kindergarten. A presumed contender for the league championship, it has been one thing after another for them, despite playing well, culminating in the catastrophic loss of our highly touted, college-bound senior quarterback in what looks to be a career-ending injury.
It seemed like they were cursed. Now, as it turns out, it looks like the blame goes to me for not praying enough. Or, to be honest, not praying at all. Or believing in any of that superstitious “Great Sky Bully” nonsense. Apparently, God is a petty sports fan, and He keeps score. At least, that’s what about 33% or Americans believe.
A while ago, I was reading through a blog post over at Arkenaten’s A Tale Unfolds that culminated with some nice photos, including one of a man on the street selling fish, and it ignited in me a memory of an old idea I’d get while reading the rare “scratch and sniff” book to my children.
Those smells were always so pleasant, in a sort of bathroom cleanser pine and floral chemical way, and I often entertained the idea of making a scratch and sniff book that, from the outside, looked traditional but was actually a parody not really meant for kids. Think of what was done with the epic “Go The Fuck To Sleep” retort to “Goodnight Moon.”
In the film adaptation, the role of Lester will played by Nick Nolte.
Ours could be an a adventure story of a hero named Lester exploring “the wharf” at night and relishing all his adventures. Think about it …Lester goes to the bar and eats deviled eggs. Lester makes the moves on a transvestite hooker who ate two tins of anchovies and garlic bread for dinner. Lester gets shitfaced and pukes in the alley. Lester stumbles and falls into a corner where the homeless people piss…inevitably, Lester would get rolled by a couple of junkies and left for dead, stumble out of the alley in the early morning and get arrested and beat to hell while in custody by a couple of bored cops, but I’m not sure what that would smell like, yet.
Whatever, it would kill.
Steal this idea and I’ll sue, either before or after I kick your ass. Smells the same either way.
I’ve long been fixated on the idea of ending up in a coffee can somewhere–if I don’t succumb to dementia, in which case I’ve instructed some reliable folks just which corner of the Grand Staircase I’d like to be left in, to dry up and fade away. Ashes, or dessicated skin cured dark and stretched over bone, or sustenance for beasts, all seem like good enough finishes– but I have to admit, this might be just be tempting enough to the silly romantic inside of me to consider an as earthy alternative….
Photo nabbed from Pinterest, via twitter, via a couple of other pages but it seems to it’s a shot from a cemetery in Nong Khai in Northeast Thailand, orginated by Peter Kelly Studios.